(Voiced by H. Jon Benjamin)—Age 38. John McGuirk is Brendon and Melissa’s incompetent, acerbic soccer coach; an overweight, alcoholic Irish-American who constantly gives Brendon bad advice. McGuirk considers Brendon, Melissa and Jason his friends and will usually help them out or stick up for them even though he is often rude to them (especially Melissa). He often attempts to portray a father figure for Brendon, as in the show's finale. Also, he frequently attempts to reach out to Lynch and Erik; however his misguided attempts often fail due mainly to his poor attitude. His actions often suggest that he is lonely and, on numerous occasions, atempts to organize group meet-ups with the other adult characters (episodes: Four's Company, Pizza Club) and acts despirate when they decline his invitations.. He can also be a bully, especially to Lynch and Melissa, and also gives a very bad wedgie. He often tries to impress or court Paula, Brendon’s mother. McGuirk also admits that he hates soccer and has never played soccer, despite being the elementary school’s soccer coach. In episode 22 "Class Trip", due to electrocution, you can see he has a metal plate on the right side of his head. In "Therapy", he states he was in therapy once, and when Brendon asks why he responds, "there are certain things you have to do to re-enter society". This implies he has served jail time, confirmed in "Time to Pay the Price" . In "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" it's implied that McGuirk has a secret life as a professional wrestler. Towards the end of the episode as Brendon and Paula talk, in the background on the TV there is a wrestling match on with a masked luchador that looks exactly like McGuirk with the Spanish translation of "the soccer coach" on his costumed chest.